Let me tell you a little something about my life....
It seems in this world of "dream-jobs" and life-long careers, I haven't ever really fit in. There's not a job I can think of that would completely cover every passion that I have. Wolves and zoos and Jesus and rock climbing and reading? Hmm... It seems like I'm quite spread across the map.
And that's frustrating. Especially graduating college not going into the field you studied for the last four years of your life.
I went into college wanting to be a veterinarian. I always loved animals, and thought biology was interesting, hey, I was smart, I could do it, right? Sure. So I went to Baylor to get a Biology degree in the hopes of applying to A&M for vet school. It was going to be brutal, lots of hours in the library, and lots of work to check off all my requirements (something like 100 hours of shadowing). By year two of college in the suckiest Bio 2 class you could conceive of, I decided I wasn't made for this. I didn't love it. I fainted when I watched surgeries (there was one really embarrassing moment at an open house). And I just didn't have time for college.
So I moved on. I loved animals, so I switched majors to Environmental Science (add a little tree-hugging, and I was set). That summer I worked at the Houston Zoo. It was awesome. I loved that I got to go to the zoo for free every day. It was incredible! We worked with conservation projects (my fave, but for real) throughout Houston all summer. It was really cool to see how to rebuild and restore lost habitat, and help the survival of the ecosystem and certain endangered species. It was probably one of my favorite experiences I have had. But there was something missing.
It's so cliche, but all summer I felt like I was missing Jesus. The conversations in the secular world were just not that interesting to me. I didn't connect with the other interns. I just didn't look at life the same way as them. I wasn't strong enough to hide my faith, or even my innocence from them. I felt like an outsider, like I would never connect, and I knew there was something I was missing.
Right after that internship, I went with my high school youth group (as a leader) to RYM. It was wonderful. Seeing the budding relationships these kids had with God was indescribable. The way they connected with me and loved me so easily was refreshing. I felt at home. Like I had found a place. That next summer, my youth pastor suggested I apply for a youth internship with his friend in STL. I had no plans for the summer, so I though, why not?
My life had honestly never been the same since then. The internship went so well, and I was able to grow so much in my personal life, in my relationship with Christ, and my direction in life. It seemed like STL was calling.
Last night, I spoke for the first time in front of a group of students who I've gotten to know over two summers. Students who I've seen struggle, and rejoice, students who have lost their leaders to other jobs, and students who have had countless struggles with peers and family. Students who I've rejoiced to be with in the mountains in North Carolina, and sat with over millions of gallons of ice cream (or other sweet things). Students who I love dearly. And they all looked up intently at me, ready to listen to what I had to say.
Me? Really? They wanted to listen to me? Earlier that day I was reminded of the passage in the Bible where Moses pleads with God to not make him speak, because he was afraid. I felt exactly like Moses did, just with less responsibility. But you know what God did?
He spoke through me. I know that because the words I said were not special. They something these kids know. But I got such a positive response that I can only believe thatGod was working through me last night.
I'm so thankful for that, and I'm so thankful for the encouragement I received. One co-leader told me I was a natural teacher. Wow. I never thought I would hear that. I never expected that. But God, through all the struggle and frustration of me trying to find my own calling, had already made a niche for me. He gave me the opportunity to speak in front of people I really cared about about something I dearly love. I feel so blessed to be just beginning to see the place that God has made for me in His Kingdom. And I know it's only through Him that I am even able to desire to be a part of it.
I say all this, not because I want you to know how great my life is now that I'm in STL. Heck no, there are still struggles and tribulations abounding. I say this as an encouragement. As someone who hasn't known what she's wanted to do with her life all her life. I say this to tell you that you really are safe in His arms. That He REALLY does have a plan, and it's nothing like you expect.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans for you to prosper and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares The Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." JEREMIAH 29:11-14
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