This summer has been hard. Incredibly hard. But it has been incredibly good too. Great, even. I wish I had blogged more to remember my own experience but let me just tell you a little about what I've learned in youth ministry.
1. Calling girls is hard. But not impossible.
2. Finding things to do is almost necessary.
3. Getting cancelled on is a way of life, let it go.
4. Sometimes people don't answer your phone calls, and sometimes, it's easier that way.
5. It does hurt to try, but that doesn't mean its not worth it.
6. Things don't always work out the way you plan, so you learn to adapt easily. Or simply let it go.
7. You don't always have to talk, but more often than not, you should be thinking of a ice-breaker question.
8. Its ok that some people have different tastes in music or TV. But country music and Doctor Who will always be close to my heart.
9. Life's not a competition.
10. Youth ministry is rewarding. But it's also something that drains your emotions, your focus, and especially your anxiety.
I've loved every minute of this summer. I know I've complained and Lord knows I've been upset, but I know the truth is that it brings me closer to Him. I've experienced deep loneliness, deep joy, overwhelming anxiety, and overwhelming peace. I've been all over the board emotionally, and I can tell you that it's all the work of the Lord.
For the past few weeks I've been home alone, or avoiding interacting with people, simply because I'm scared. But that creates in me a strong feeling of abandonment and loneliness that I can't quite explain to anyone. It's been something that's been overwhelming over the summer. But the good things about it are that it makes me try harder to interact with the girls in our youth group, and pursue them well. It makes me want to hang out with them so I don't feel so alone and left to my own devices. It also has definitely brought me closer to God. He's given me time, which is something that is so lacking in my college life, I honestly had no idea what to do with it. It scared me at first, but then I realized how bad I've been about praying for my entire life. So I've worked on that. I've read the Bible. I've studied the Bible. I've read books devoted to understanding Christ's work in our lives and it has been wonderful. Not to say it hasn't been hard but I think it was necessary.
And that's only part of the hard stuff. In youth ministry, you face a lot of rejection. Sometimes people are out of town, sometimes they're too busy to hang out with you, and other times, they make plans at the last minute. And that hurts. And we've all experienced that, but we can't let it get to us. If we let it get to us, we're not finding our worth in Christ, and isn't that what we're supposed to be all about? He will never reject us. Or make other plans other than us. He will always be there. And He should be all that we need. Not to say He hasn't given us, or made us need people, but He should always be our ALL. And when He's not, we have a problem.
That brings up a lot about not feeling in close community this summer, but I think the more important thing it brings up for me is that I don't want to leave this community or give up on it. I want to come back and invest more and be more involved in the lives of these amazing girls.
I'm thinking about coming to seminary next year and pursuing a degree in Counseling. It's been something that's been on my heart and mind for a while, and I think God is finally bringing it to fruition. I have a church home here, and I know a lot of people here who would be able to support me and love me, unlike what I would have in the RUF internship. Not that I wouldn't have that, I just don't know who those people would be. And knowing for me gives me some comfort. It just seems to be the right fit for me. And from my conversations with a lot of girls this summer, I just feel like counseling is something I want to do with my life. Whether it be professionally, or something that I have knowledge in, I want to know how to navigate relationships in a way that I can be supportive in their walk with Christ, while also understanding and sympathizing with them about the things they go through. I don't know how all the money's going to work yet, but I'm trying to save some this summer. Pray for me as I go through this decision process!
This summer has been amazing. I've grown more than I ever expected to and I'm really looking forward to looking back to the beginning of summer and seeing how much I've changed. I'm so grateful for the people in my life who've made this possible and bearable for me all summer. I love you all dearly and I thank you so much for showing me the love that Christ shows to His people.
Promise I'll blog more often! I know I have more things to say.
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