To All the Single 20-something’s:

Relationships are scary. I’ll give you that. But if you aren’t willing to enter into them, you’ll never quench your desire for covenantal love. Yes, Christ is enough. Christ will always be enough, but He also made us for relationship. And I think that’s why it’s so hard for us to be single. Yeah, friends are great, they’re loyal, they’re comforting, they’re supportive, but they’re not quite all we want. We want a best friend. Someone to live life with. To rejoice with. To cry with, and sometimes simply to eat with.

In this culture of too much technology, I think it’s easy to let relationships not mean as much. And that’s not fair. That’s not what we’re made for. So if anything, get off your phone. Talk to someone. Really talk to them. See their hurt and see their joy and rejoice in that beautiful humanity.

To the guys out there: Ask her out. Whoever she is, whether you see her as a friend, or “sister,” or someone who might be your future wife, you should just ask. Yes, rejection is scary. I know. I’ve faced it countless times before. But if we don’t try we’ll never experience that joy in relationship that God has made us for. So don’t fear. Because God made you for this and He will be with you through it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it doesn’t work out, you have a Savior who died to make you righteous.

And to all the girls: Say yes. I don’t care if you see him as a friend. I don’t care if he’s unattractive. If you find him interesting, and fun to talk to and you have good conversations with him, go out with him. What’s it going to hurt? But be honest. Be honest with yourself and be honest with him. If you don’t think its going to go anywhere for any particular reason, the worst thing you can do is lead him on. So don’t. I don’t care how much you desire attention or affection, Christ can give you that. Through his pure love and through your close female relationships. And if you don’t have that with girlfriends, maybe you should try opening up to them. Don’t bring a guy into your mess if you aren’t willing to stay with him.

We all desire relationship. We all want that someone. So stop being afraid and try. Besides, isn’t that what Christ wants for us? He is three in one, obviously He is a relational God. And He made us in His image, so obviously we are relational people. So don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Let yourself be hurt, let yourself be rejected, let yourself be open to new friends and new experiences and new relationships. Because what are we really hiding from? Other people? Or ourselves? Because if we try to protect ourselves from love, we’ll only be more lonely in the end.

So. Go ask her out. Say yes. Have fun. Live. Love. Trust in God. And be honest.

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. “ –C.S. Lewis The Four Loves

True Love

After a whole summer of playing soccer mom, taking field trips, being pulled through museums that I would love to spend hours in, and coordinating pick ups and drop offs, I've been dragged around by Junior High girls anywhere you can think of.

Tonight was our weekly Bible study where I try to focus them for at least 30 minutes before we have some snacks and hang out. The range of conversation is from people who look like cats, to Harry Potter to One Direction. It's crazy and ridiculous, and I love every minute of it. Honestly to me, it doesn't matter if I get them to focus for more than 30 minutes, I think helping them build community and love each other is just as important. Of course I'm overjoyed to hear their perspective on the Gospel. Especially if it's similar to my views, and even more so if it's honest. Yes, sometimes I get one word or one sentence answers, but every once in a while, the Lord intercedes and I see His heart in each of them.

Yes, there are distractions. Yes, there are stuffed animal birds that chirp and cause distractions, and OBVIOUSLY we need to talk about Harry Potter and cute boys, but all of that is just who they are. And I think that's beautiful. There's something about the fact that they are willing to be themselves and be crazy and loud and obnoxious. I know that's not who they are in their "real" world of school and I'm so glad I can provide that safe place for them.

Obviously I wish I could talk about Christ with them, but I think that comes in time. I also think they haven't quite lived enough to completely get it. Yes, Jesus saved me. I've heard that my whole life, but what does that really mean? I don't think they're asking that question yet, and I think my role is to prepare them for the walk that He takes them through. I think I'm here to not only be a confidant and friend, but to be a role model for the next generation.

I'm so glad for the time I get to spend with them every week. Literally, all I wanted to talk about tonight was Harry Potter with them. And that's awesome. That shows that I've become a part of their world. And I don't want to leave it. Every second I think of leaving this summer I promise myself I'll be back. And maybe that's where God wants me. Maybe that's why He put me here. Because He wants me, He even needs me here. Isn't that cool to think about?

I loved every second of tonight. I loved the conversations. The love they showed to one another. The love they showed to me. I can honestly say that I truly love these girls. And that's only because Christ changes my heart toward them. I think that's true love. Living out what Christ did for us by loving others. Because His love is the truest love we know, so how else can we experience it unless we love others?

These girls have my heart. And I am so glad for that. God's plan is revealing itself to be more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, and that is so wonderful.

People Will Be People. But God Is God.

Relationships are hard. They are something that's God-given, but drenched in our world of sin and brokenness. That's why it makes it hard to pursue people. We fear rejection, abandonment, and most of all the feeling of being an outcast. So we think if we stick to ourselves, we can't get hurt, right? Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.
I honestly think we're more prone to loneliness and pain and suffering if we do stick to ourselves. That means that the devil can get to us and convince us that we're not good enough, or funny enough or worthy enough, or simply enough. But that's not fair. The God of the universe gave his life for us. His life. Do you get that? I sure don't.

That's why at the beginning of the summer, when I was scared of calling and asking girls to hang out, I wasn't living as if I was saved by grace. I was living as if I could actually protect myself from those demons out there. When in fact those demons were in myself, and I was more exposed to them when there weren't people to protect me from them.
People are a gift. A God-given gift, that we should be endlessly thankful for. That's why now, with about 3 weeks left I'm dreading leaving. I'm even scared to leave. How can I leave these girls after only being able to get to know them for about two months? How can I do that to them? I think the answer is that I can't. I think that's why seminary has been on my heart so much this summer. And I think that's why today, I'm going to apply.

God does good things through hard times. While this summer for me was one of the most hard times in my life, I know that so many people, even people in my family have been through so much more. I can't help but see that God is in it because He wants us. When we're suffering and when we're striving, we're more likely to turn to Him. And he loves that. He wants that. And He wants us to want Him.

I want to want Him. Sometimes, on good days, I actually do feel that I want Him. So I pray not only for myself, but for everyone I know to want God the way he intended for us. The way that we're meant to. I pray that He show Himself to us through the places that we are in life, and we feel comforted and supported by Him always. Because without Him, this summer would have been one of the worst experiences of my life.

So It's Been A While

This summer has been hard. Incredibly hard. But it has been incredibly good too. Great, even. I wish I had blogged more to remember my own experience but let me just tell you a little about what I've learned in youth ministry.
1. Calling girls is hard. But not impossible.
2. Finding things to do is almost necessary.
3. Getting cancelled on is a way of life, let it go.
4. Sometimes people don't answer your phone calls, and sometimes, it's easier that way.
5. It does hurt to try, but that doesn't mean its not worth it.
6. Things don't always work out the way you plan, so you learn to adapt easily. Or simply let it go.
7. You don't always have to talk, but more often than not, you should be thinking of a ice-breaker question.
8. Its ok that some people have different tastes in music or TV. But country music and Doctor Who will always be close to my heart.
9. Life's not a competition.
10. Youth ministry is rewarding. But it's also something that drains your emotions, your focus, and especially your anxiety.

I've loved every minute of this summer. I know I've complained and Lord knows I've been upset, but I know the truth is that it brings me closer to Him. I've experienced deep loneliness, deep joy, overwhelming anxiety, and overwhelming peace. I've been all over the board emotionally, and I can tell you that it's all the work of the Lord.
For the past few weeks I've been home alone, or avoiding interacting with people, simply because I'm scared. But that creates in me a strong feeling of abandonment and loneliness that I can't quite explain to anyone. It's been something that's been overwhelming over the summer. But the good things about it are that it makes me try harder to interact with the girls in our youth group, and pursue them well. It makes me want to hang out with them so I don't feel so alone and left to my own devices. It also has definitely brought me closer to God. He's given me time, which is something that is so lacking in my college life, I honestly had no idea what to do with it. It scared me at first, but then I realized how bad I've been about praying for my entire life. So I've worked on that. I've read the Bible. I've studied the Bible. I've read books devoted to understanding Christ's work in our lives and it has been wonderful. Not to say it hasn't been hard but I think it was necessary.

And that's only part of the hard stuff. In youth ministry, you face a lot of rejection. Sometimes people are out of town, sometimes they're too busy to hang out with you, and other times, they make plans at the last minute. And that hurts. And we've all experienced that, but we can't let it get to us. If we let it get to us, we're not finding our worth in Christ, and isn't that what we're supposed to be all about? He will never reject us. Or make other plans other than us. He will always be there. And He should be all that we need. Not to say He hasn't given us, or made us need people, but He should always be our ALL. And when He's not, we have a problem.

That brings up a lot about not feeling in close community this summer, but I think the more important thing it brings up for me is that I don't want to leave this community or give up on it. I want to come back and invest more and be more involved in the lives of these amazing girls.

I'm thinking about coming to seminary next year and pursuing a degree in Counseling. It's been something that's been on my heart and mind for a while, and I think God is finally bringing it to fruition. I have a church home here, and I know a lot of people here who would be able to support me and love me, unlike what I would have in the RUF internship. Not that I wouldn't have that, I just don't know who those people would be. And knowing for me gives me some comfort. It just seems to be the right fit for me. And from my conversations with a lot of girls this summer, I just feel like counseling is something I want to do with my life. Whether it be professionally, or something that I have knowledge in, I want to know how to navigate relationships in a way that I can be supportive in their walk with Christ, while also understanding and sympathizing with them about the things they go through. I don't know how all the money's going to work yet, but I'm trying to save some this summer. Pray for me as I go through this decision process!

This summer has been amazing. I've grown more than I ever expected to and I'm really looking forward to looking back to the beginning of summer and seeing how much I've changed. I'm so grateful for the people in my life who've made this possible and bearable for me all summer. I love you all dearly and I thank you so much for showing me the love that Christ shows to His people.


Promise I'll blog more often! I know I have more things to say.