Letting Go...

I'm a senior. I'm single. And I'm struggling with it. I'm in the midst of that time of life where everyone is planning for the future, and for most of them that means being with someone. A lot of my friends are thinking about the possibility of engagement, or at least in a long-term relationship. I'm glad for them. I'm happy to rejoice with them and the joy they've found in their relationship. It is a blessing and a gift from God and I am excited that they have found love and meaning in each other, and are no longer in search.

But there comes a price with friends in relationships. Friends in relationships are in relationships. They have to devote time to spend with their significant other, and sometimes that means time that you might have had. It's hard. It's a frustrating thing to get turned down because you're friend is going on a date, or needs some time to spend with their person. It's frustrating to feel like you have to occupy your time not thinking about relationships. Not desiring relationships, not idolizing them. Not letting yourself think about them. Or the things you could do to be in one. It's hard to not let it get to you. To not let it consume you.

But, relationships are good. They are a BLESSING. But I'm the first to admit that I don't always see them as a blessing. I see them as a loss. And that is unfair and untrue.

It stems from a deep fear in me that tells me that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. The fear that I will never find someone to spend my life with and I will forever come home to an empty house and no one to fall asleep next to. It stems from the fear that all my friends will leave me once they're married or in a relationship. That once they've found someone, I am the last on their list of priorities. That I no longer matter because I'm single.

And I'm here to say that tonight I learned something crucial. That that is an outright LIE. That is ABSOLUTELY untrue. Your friends will not abandon you or forsake you when they are in a relationship. It will change, but it does not mean that you are not valued.

And the ABSOLUTE most important thing: That Christ is with you through it all. You will never be alone because he is ALWAYS with you. Always. No matter what. Through the pain, the heartbreak, and the emptiness you feel, He is with you through it all. Despite what the devil tells you, you matter. You are DEEPLY loved. You are more loved and more important to Him than you could ever imagine.

So rest in that. Believe you are not alone because He is your all. Without Him, you would be nothing. Because of Him you are saved. And loved. And valued. You are redeemed.





Cling to the Crucified, Jesus the man who died.
Cling to the Crucified, Jesus the King.

Rejoicing in Your Youth

I've realized a lot recently about why I'm thankful for college. It's the stage of my life where nothing is going to be the same ever again, and I'm grateful for the time I have here to enjoy it. One of the most prevalent things on my mind that college life brings is friendships. And the friendships in college are nothing like the friendships you have any other time in your life. The friendships in college are special. They're dependent, fulfilling, reliable, and life-giving. They give me breath and help me live and love more fully every day.

Let me tell you a few of the reasons why friendships in college are so special. You don't have your parents to rely on or call in times of crisis, so you lean on those close friends who have proved to provide for you through thick and thin. And they provide for you because they love you, not because they have some obligation, or because they're related to you. They love you for you, and that is such a beautiful thing.

We stay up late. Way late. And talk hours into the night about the past and the future, our hopes and dreams that we so badly want to be right now. Everything we hope for in the future is so real and clear to us that we believe fully that we can and will become the person we want to be. And we will find or fall in love eventually, but the time for friendships is now. Boys will come and boys will go, but girl friends remain forever. We've been through break-ups and make-ups, crushes and first loves, engagements and first dates together, and we haven't ever broken the other's heart. We're your girls, and we always will be, no matter what boy you date.

We laugh together, we cry together, and we pray together. Our friendships are based on a mutual love and pursuit of Christ and it is so wonderful because our Christianity is finally becoming our own. It's not our parents' or our pastor's, but ours, fully and completely. We learn who God is more and more each day together, and as our plans change to fit His, we encourage each other and hope beyond hope that this new plan is really the one He wants for us.

We love. We live. We hope.

The days of college have been precious to me. The friendships I've made and the people I've met and grown to love are some of the most important people in my life. There's nothing like the college experience. It's a one time thing, and especially since I'm a senior, I'm choosing to enjoy it. The football games, the endless classes and tests and papers, the library and the science building, and most of all the friendships I will cherish. I want to live this year to the fullest, and in gratitude and hope look forward to the future.


I'm choosing to rejoice in the NOW. You should too :)

The Road Less Traveled

I'm a senior in college, twenty-one years old, and single. I'm not complaining. I love being single, but at a private Christian university where one of the main goals is to find your spouse before you leave, it's kind-of an anomaly. Or at least something people find strange. I don't. I'm actually glad that I'm able to be independent and not have to share life with someone yet. As cliche as this is, I think it's a blessing that I'm single. 

But. I'm writing this blog because I was recently asked "how I deal with being single." I don't necessarily think it's something that I have to "deal with." But I know that I look at life vastly different than a lot of people in and recently out of college. Yes, I deeply desire to find a guy that is willing to be my best friend and commit to loving me for the rest of our lives, but that doesn't mean that I'm ready for him now. I have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of life to live, and I don't think he's quite ready for who I am right now. I have a lot of stuff to figure out first. And I know marriage isn't something that we hold off until we're ready, because honestly? No one will ever be ready for marriage. I know that, but I know myself and my loyalty, and I think even if I had met the guy I was going to eventually marry in college, I'd want to figure life out on my own for a while. I'd want to be independent so I'm not fully relying on him to provide anything for me.

Because honestly? I'd rather fully rely on Him to provide for me. That's why I'm OK being single. That's why I'm glad I'm single. I love that I get to rest in Him and trust that He has a perfect plan for my life. It may not be where I want it to be yet, but He has a plan. He has something perfect waiting for me, and the coolest part about His sovereignty is that His perfect plan is now. Not only has it already happened in His vision of the world, but where I am now in my life is PERFECT for me. His plan and His timing is and always will be perfect. That's why I am so against the idea of "ring by spring." If God wanted that for me, He would have provided it, but I think I've been provided with so much more. 

I have the chance to make life-choices for myself after college. I've decided to go to seminary and pursue His plan for me in the place that He wants me to be. Even when people look at me strange because I only applied to one seminary, I have no doubt that God will provide for me because I fully believe that He wants me there. And if He doesn't? He has a better plan. And that will be SO awesome to figure out. 

It's a blessing to be single. I REFUSE to be upset or angry about it. Yes, I'm surrounded by couples. Yes, I desire a long-lasting relationship. But there will be time for that. My time now is devoted to God's word and work in my life. And that is AWESOME. I am so thankful for that chance to commit myself more to Him and I pray that I will not forget His perfect, awesome, unconditional love.