Learning to Find Beauty

Recently I've been realizing how out of balance my life is. How pushed I am toward one extreme, which causes me to strive more than I can handle.

One clear example is school-work, efficiency, and grades. Ever since this semester started it feels like I have to be extremely efficient to get the best use of my time studying so I can graduate with the GPA I want. I'm in a few easier classes, physics (not easy...) and writing my thesis. Every second of my day is devoted to ensuring that I get all the things done that I need to do.

I'm lacking sleep, time, energy and a full grasp on what life is really about. I've been trying to get that grade. Or finish that paper. Or understand those concepts so I can take that test. I feel like there is CONSTANTLY something I HAVE to be doing. Not something I 'need' to be doing, it's essential for my life to be meaningful, for me to be able to graduate, for me to live well.

But guess what? That's NOT where life is found. It's not about doing everything so you can be seen as the perfect student, or put another activity on your resume. And neither is it about giving up and just scraping by (or not scraping by), and  getting Cs in all my classes my last semester. It's not about giving up, but it's also NOT about stressing out.

Finding that balance is not easy. Learning when to say no to a responsibility is a difficult thing for me. I expect myself to be perfect, and live up to all the standards that I believe people have made me. I want to prove to them that I can handle this semester. That I can make it through college as a science major. That I am SMART enough, STRONG enough, EFFICIENT enough to handle every responsibility on my own.

Life is found in the balance. In sleeping in and skipping class. In taking your break between classes to hammock, or read, or just sit on campus and people watch. It's about spending time doing schoolwork, but not all your time doing schoolwork. Prioritizing your life over all the things pulling you in every direction is what's important.

There is beauty in learning. There is joy in discovering new things and understanding new concepts. It is a privilege to be able to go to school simply to learn. It's easy to get lost in the extremes. Of being the one stuck in the library every day and night, or only showing up for class on test days. It's easy to say one is the better thing to do. But realizing that life is found BETWEEN those two extremes is what's authentic.

I'm finding beauty in physics. In geology. In writing a management plan for gray wolves. Because I'm no longer taking it too seriously, or putting all the pressure on myself to be enough to achieve all the things on my to do list. I'm also finding beauty in prioritizing sleep, running more than I study, and reading for FUN instead of for work.


The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Word of the Lord remains forever --Isaiah 40:8