About three weeks ago I was up in St Louis for my interview for the Masters in Counseling at Covenant Seminary, and I never wrote about it. But after a while of reflection I've realized that I am VERY at peace with it, and that's ONLY by God's endless grace.
I had two interviews, one with a counseling professor and one with admissions. My admissions one got rescheduled to after the counseling professor, which was quite a HUGE blessing. The interview began at 2pm...so I spent the whole morning worrying, over-thinking and stressing-out about it. Thankfully, I was staying with a friend, and one of her roommates told me not to worry about it because it didn't matter how bad or how good my interviews went or how well I did, because it was up to God anyway, wasn't it? How RELIEVING! Praise the Lord that His will is His will and His plan is His, not mine!
At 1:45, I walked over to the Counseling Department. I read, and re-read the email that I had received which told me to meet the professor in his office. Well...that was awkward because no one was there. Yeah, it was Jan-term, and their schedules were all over the place, but I didn't know where I was expected to me! I got a little stressed out. Sat down and tried to calm down. Someone walked into his office and I followed...until he walked back out and almost ran into me (way to go, awkward-JoAnn). So. There was that.
A few minutes later, he came out as I was sitting in the lobby and asked me if I was JoAnn. Yes! Finally! I was in the right place! Haha. Our interview lasted 20 minutes... Yeah, 20 minutes. It was awkward...I expected a long and grueling conversation about my past or something. But it was mostly my family, my over-all life experience (which is pretty sheltered) and why I applied to the MAC instead of the RUF Intern program (it's a little late for that now...).
I left shattered. Confused. Conflicted. And over-all irritated. It sounded to me like he had already made the decision before I walked into his office that I was too young to be a counselor, that my life was too easy, that I needed more "experience." And now I had an hour and a half to think before my next interview. Ugh.
After talking to the friend I was staying with and DECIDING not to think about it anymore, I walked over for my next interview. This one was SO good! The admissions counselor was a counselor herself who had been through the program and legitimately wanted to get to know me. To understand WHY in the world I would want to be in St Louis again, to get why this summer meant the WORLD to me, and to see my heart for the Lord's work in other's lives. It was amazing. And refreshing to share with someone my heart for the city that changed my path in life. Walking away from that interview, I felt renewed, purposeful and at peace.
Since then, save the few moments of weakness, I've felt at PEACE. Overwhelming and overcoming peace. And that's not ME. That's the Lord. I promise you. If being at peace was up to me, I'd be a wreck. I know because that's what last semester was like. So now I have two months to rest in the Word. To believe in His promise to lead me in this life, and to trust that I was made for this. How sweet is that? To truly believe that He has carved out this path for me and walk with Him not worrying about the next step? It's truly beautiful.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he might exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you --1 Peter 5:6-7
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