At the beginning of the year I had every resolution in the book: work out, read the bible, take charge of my life, be organized, be honest, be better, healthier, full of life. And while I'm still accomplishing and growing in all of these areas, I've realized something very essential to resolutions, and life ambitions, lately.
I got caught up in the end-goal. The half-marathon that I would race. The body that I would have. The faith that I would have. The life that I would make for MYSELF. But there was an ESSENTIAL element missing.
I'm not a runner. I hate running, actually. I'm a sprinter, because I used to be a gymnast, so long, sustained, endurance activities are not my thing. Especially running. But one of the things on my bucket list is a marathon, so what's a more perfect step to getting there than doing the half marathon at Baylor? Running the Bearathon is a beautiful thing, not only the race, but what it supports. I'm thankful to be able to participate and support incoming Baylor students!
As I began to train, a friend of mine found us a 'training schedule' for working up to the half. We looked at it and were overwhelmed. They want me to run how much a week? Hmm...Don't know if I can do that. But with my new, can-do attitude, I decided to give my ALL. Literally, y'all. My ALL.
Even in the blistering Waco wind, even during the coldest winter in my life, I was going to run. For myself! Because I was empowered, I was able, I am successful. I ran 6 miles in the snow (well freezing rain), and if I could do that, so quickly into our program, I could run the half at 9 minutes a mile! (A really hard goal for someone just learning to run long-distance). I could do ANYTHING. Because I was healthy. I was fit. I was becoming a runner.
Until the all too quick down-fall. Four to five weeks into our training, I realized I was wheezing when I was breathing, my upper back problems had come back and it hurt to breathe and carry around my backpack. I suspected exercise-induced asthma. Either way, I wasn't going to quit. I went for a run the next day, even wheezing, in pain, and without breath.
It wasn't even me who realized I needed to stop. It was my training buddy, and dear friend who YELLED at me. YOU CAN'T RUN IF YOU CAN'T BREATH! Oh. Right, probably not...
But I was SO caught up in accomplishing, in doing something once for MYSELF that I forgot to take care of my body. To take care of the temple of the Lord. I forgot my Savior. I forgot that it was only by His strength that I was able. That I was fit. That I was healthy.
My health, my wellness, my ability to be active, to breathe, to train is all Christ's. I am not my own but His. It is a beautiful thing that I will be finishing the Bearathon this year, but it is MORE of a beautiful thing because Christ has ENABLED me! It is only through Him that I have life and breath and salvation. Relying on Him is the only thing that will always be stable, that will help me be healthy, and 'take charge' of my life. He is my rock and my refuge.
Learning to treat my body like a temple is more than finding the IDEAL. It's more than the end-goal. It's about the balanced process. It's about learning when to take a break. Learning where the balance between over-doing it and laziness is. It's about eating healthy, but having dessert every once in a while. Finding the balance between under- and over-indulgence is where we find life. That's where living takes place. Rejoicing in the good, and not OVERdoing it.
Take a break today for me, and REST. Really, truly rest. And pray, thanking the Father for all He's given you in this life. Because He's given you everything. How beautiful is that?
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. --1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
The Definition of Overcommitted
I'm weary, drained, exhausted, and empty. It's about a month into the semester and I've had most of my first tests, school-work is picking up, and it seems like everyone wants my time and energy. I'm involved in church ministry, college ministry, a new network marketing job, and I'm taking 18 hours. EIGHTEEN HOURS. Y'all. I'm a senior, I don't have energy for this.
And it seems like all of my professors want me to devote ALL my time and energy into their class. Well. I have five classes, I can't have 5 times the amount of time, unfortunately. But if you could figure out a way to multiply my time (like Hermione and her time-turner), I'd be incredibly grateful. Not only am I in Physics (dear Lord, help me), but I'm in two upper level environmental science credits, and Capstone (research paper writing) and I'm finishing up my thesis. I don't have time.
I'm the definition of over-committed. Baylor's the definition of over-committed, but I've realized it in my personal life more so than just my Baylor life. It's not possible for me to be a full time student and to be involved in 5 extra-curricular activities. There's only 24 hours in the day, and currently I'm using up about 18 for school work and only 6 for sleep/eating. Prioritizing seems to be biased toward schoolwork, and I am incapable of committing the rest of my time to ministry/jobs/friends/etc.
So what made me participate in them in the beginning? What drove me to seek to be involved in EVERYTHING?
If I'm completely honest, I believe that it will give me meaning. If I'm involved in all these things, it must mean I'm important. That I'm needed. That I'm valued and significant to people. If my schedule is filled it must mean that people NEED me. Because I have things to do, and people to meet, I'm important.
My schedule determines my importance. If I'm always busy and always running around, I can say I mean something to someone/something. I'm striving for meaning. I'm trying to make myself important out of what I DO, not out of what I AM.
And what I am is LOVED. Redeemed. Rescued. Forgiven. I do not need to try so hard because I already am important to God. And because I'm important to Him, I can find meaning in seeking Him above the things of this world. In seeking Him through my school-work, in seeking Him through ministry, and in seeking Him in my daily life. I don't need to DO to be saved. Because I am.
This doesn't neglect the need to be involved in His work in this world. Christ calls us to be followers. To go into the world and extend His kingdom. But extend His kingdom with Him in mind, not on our own importance and meaning. Because He is what is important above all things of this world.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...He restores my soul, He leads me in paths of righteousness, for HIS name's sake --Psalm 23:1,3
And it seems like all of my professors want me to devote ALL my time and energy into their class. Well. I have five classes, I can't have 5 times the amount of time, unfortunately. But if you could figure out a way to multiply my time (like Hermione and her time-turner), I'd be incredibly grateful. Not only am I in Physics (dear Lord, help me), but I'm in two upper level environmental science credits, and Capstone (research paper writing) and I'm finishing up my thesis. I don't have time.
I'm the definition of over-committed. Baylor's the definition of over-committed, but I've realized it in my personal life more so than just my Baylor life. It's not possible for me to be a full time student and to be involved in 5 extra-curricular activities. There's only 24 hours in the day, and currently I'm using up about 18 for school work and only 6 for sleep/eating. Prioritizing seems to be biased toward schoolwork, and I am incapable of committing the rest of my time to ministry/jobs/friends/etc.
So what made me participate in them in the beginning? What drove me to seek to be involved in EVERYTHING?
If I'm completely honest, I believe that it will give me meaning. If I'm involved in all these things, it must mean I'm important. That I'm needed. That I'm valued and significant to people. If my schedule is filled it must mean that people NEED me. Because I have things to do, and people to meet, I'm important.
My schedule determines my importance. If I'm always busy and always running around, I can say I mean something to someone/something. I'm striving for meaning. I'm trying to make myself important out of what I DO, not out of what I AM.
And what I am is LOVED. Redeemed. Rescued. Forgiven. I do not need to try so hard because I already am important to God. And because I'm important to Him, I can find meaning in seeking Him above the things of this world. In seeking Him through my school-work, in seeking Him through ministry, and in seeking Him in my daily life. I don't need to DO to be saved. Because I am.
This doesn't neglect the need to be involved in His work in this world. Christ calls us to be followers. To go into the world and extend His kingdom. But extend His kingdom with Him in mind, not on our own importance and meaning. Because He is what is important above all things of this world.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...He restores my soul, He leads me in paths of righteousness, for HIS name's sake --Psalm 23:1,3
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Overwhelming Peace
About three weeks ago I was up in St Louis for my interview for the Masters in Counseling at Covenant Seminary, and I never wrote about it. But after a while of reflection I've realized that I am VERY at peace with it, and that's ONLY by God's endless grace.
I had two interviews, one with a counseling professor and one with admissions. My admissions one got rescheduled to after the counseling professor, which was quite a HUGE blessing. The interview began at 2pm...so I spent the whole morning worrying, over-thinking and stressing-out about it. Thankfully, I was staying with a friend, and one of her roommates told me not to worry about it because it didn't matter how bad or how good my interviews went or how well I did, because it was up to God anyway, wasn't it? How RELIEVING! Praise the Lord that His will is His will and His plan is His, not mine!
At 1:45, I walked over to the Counseling Department. I read, and re-read the email that I had received which told me to meet the professor in his office. Well...that was awkward because no one was there. Yeah, it was Jan-term, and their schedules were all over the place, but I didn't know where I was expected to me! I got a little stressed out. Sat down and tried to calm down. Someone walked into his office and I followed...until he walked back out and almost ran into me (way to go, awkward-JoAnn). So. There was that.
A few minutes later, he came out as I was sitting in the lobby and asked me if I was JoAnn. Yes! Finally! I was in the right place! Haha. Our interview lasted 20 minutes... Yeah, 20 minutes. It was awkward...I expected a long and grueling conversation about my past or something. But it was mostly my family, my over-all life experience (which is pretty sheltered) and why I applied to the MAC instead of the RUF Intern program (it's a little late for that now...).
I left shattered. Confused. Conflicted. And over-all irritated. It sounded to me like he had already made the decision before I walked into his office that I was too young to be a counselor, that my life was too easy, that I needed more "experience." And now I had an hour and a half to think before my next interview. Ugh.
After talking to the friend I was staying with and DECIDING not to think about it anymore, I walked over for my next interview. This one was SO good! The admissions counselor was a counselor herself who had been through the program and legitimately wanted to get to know me. To understand WHY in the world I would want to be in St Louis again, to get why this summer meant the WORLD to me, and to see my heart for the Lord's work in other's lives. It was amazing. And refreshing to share with someone my heart for the city that changed my path in life. Walking away from that interview, I felt renewed, purposeful and at peace.
Since then, save the few moments of weakness, I've felt at PEACE. Overwhelming and overcoming peace. And that's not ME. That's the Lord. I promise you. If being at peace was up to me, I'd be a wreck. I know because that's what last semester was like. So now I have two months to rest in the Word. To believe in His promise to lead me in this life, and to trust that I was made for this. How sweet is that? To truly believe that He has carved out this path for me and walk with Him not worrying about the next step? It's truly beautiful.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he might exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you --1 Peter 5:6-7
I had two interviews, one with a counseling professor and one with admissions. My admissions one got rescheduled to after the counseling professor, which was quite a HUGE blessing. The interview began at 2pm...so I spent the whole morning worrying, over-thinking and stressing-out about it. Thankfully, I was staying with a friend, and one of her roommates told me not to worry about it because it didn't matter how bad or how good my interviews went or how well I did, because it was up to God anyway, wasn't it? How RELIEVING! Praise the Lord that His will is His will and His plan is His, not mine!
At 1:45, I walked over to the Counseling Department. I read, and re-read the email that I had received which told me to meet the professor in his office. Well...that was awkward because no one was there. Yeah, it was Jan-term, and their schedules were all over the place, but I didn't know where I was expected to me! I got a little stressed out. Sat down and tried to calm down. Someone walked into his office and I followed...until he walked back out and almost ran into me (way to go, awkward-JoAnn). So. There was that.
A few minutes later, he came out as I was sitting in the lobby and asked me if I was JoAnn. Yes! Finally! I was in the right place! Haha. Our interview lasted 20 minutes... Yeah, 20 minutes. It was awkward...I expected a long and grueling conversation about my past or something. But it was mostly my family, my over-all life experience (which is pretty sheltered) and why I applied to the MAC instead of the RUF Intern program (it's a little late for that now...).
I left shattered. Confused. Conflicted. And over-all irritated. It sounded to me like he had already made the decision before I walked into his office that I was too young to be a counselor, that my life was too easy, that I needed more "experience." And now I had an hour and a half to think before my next interview. Ugh.
After talking to the friend I was staying with and DECIDING not to think about it anymore, I walked over for my next interview. This one was SO good! The admissions counselor was a counselor herself who had been through the program and legitimately wanted to get to know me. To understand WHY in the world I would want to be in St Louis again, to get why this summer meant the WORLD to me, and to see my heart for the Lord's work in other's lives. It was amazing. And refreshing to share with someone my heart for the city that changed my path in life. Walking away from that interview, I felt renewed, purposeful and at peace.
Since then, save the few moments of weakness, I've felt at PEACE. Overwhelming and overcoming peace. And that's not ME. That's the Lord. I promise you. If being at peace was up to me, I'd be a wreck. I know because that's what last semester was like. So now I have two months to rest in the Word. To believe in His promise to lead me in this life, and to trust that I was made for this. How sweet is that? To truly believe that He has carved out this path for me and walk with Him not worrying about the next step? It's truly beautiful.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he might exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you --1 Peter 5:6-7
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