I had a revelation. Today was project work day, and we were doing our best to work together, or at least I was, and I was getting very frustrated. Being naturally quiet, I tend to not be so outspoken in a group, but today it was necessary; my ideas were good and they would help the project flow better, plus I feel like I'm pretty good at determining what sounds good or not, so I ended up kind-of being a mediator. For about four hours today, we argued, well, "worked." We had three charts to complete today and being the efficient college students we are, we wanted to get them done and go home.
So we ended up spending the first three hours with people at the board, writing things down, while others shouted at them to be heard above all of the other chatter and voices. It was really difficult group dynamics, especially in a group of ten, but it was alright for the time-being, I'd rather have everyone participate. And then I stopped being heard, and usually I shut down when I start being heard, if they aren't going to listen to be then I have nothing to contribute because by their lack of listening skills, I was deemed unimportant. In my opinion. Now I know that's not the complete truth, but I'm just telling you how I feel.
Two people branched off and started doing their own section, so when we finished our part we put their tree on the board. Edited it, and moved on. To the tree that would mirror theirs. We have a problem and an objective; the objective would mirror the problem, so it had to kind-of make sense. And working on the objective, we realized, through mirroring the problem, we had not really addressed the education piece of our project which was basically the whole point of it. Now when I say "we," I mean the people who had done the problem tree, and they were discussing it behind me, so I voiced it to the people at the board, in a sort of telephone motion, and I was completely shut down. Literally told "oh, that doesn't help us." Because the rest of us had realized we weren't being listened to, and stopped listening. It's increasingly hard with ten people to actively participate in speaking, so yes we had stopped, because the tail end of it, the most important part, was absent. They weren't listening, so we weren't speaking. It wasn't that we didn't want to help. So that whole scene was a little much.
Our supervisor soon realized our group dynamics were a little off and directed us in a team-building game. We stood on a sheet, like one on a queen size bed, except folded in half. We all had to flip it over, while not talking, and not stepping off the sheet. One naturally bossy person decided she knew what she was doing and crawled down to fold the sheet over. I being the listener, followed instructions, but felt unimportant in the whole process. Eventually it failed because we were all falling off of it, and we tried again, with talking. So she told us her idea and we tried it this time, with better success.
But what was different for me about that time was my position. I was no longer on the outside, observing, I was in the middle, holding every one in the tiny square that we had made. Almost every one at one point had grabbed onto my hand or shoulder or legs at some point to keep their balance. Two people actually were practically saved from falling off because I was there for them to hold. What I realized about my position on the team, was not that I needed to know exactly what to do and do it, but I needed to know how to work with people, to help them come back to the base and catch them when they fall. I was the anchor. And what I knew was so important about that job was not actually getting the work done, but building healthy relationships because of the work that we are doing. Being anchored, and centered is more important than leading, because people will naturally gravitate toward you if you already are doing the right thing instead of telling them what to do.
And of course, this relates back to Jesus. You know how there's this paradox in Christianity, of being like Jesus, but not being Jesus? You have to be humble and know that you're fallible and human, and not try to be perfect, but at the same time you want to reach people by being an example. How hard is it to find middle ground in that? Incredibly hard. But I figured out that it's not necessarily being Jesus Christ, but being Jesus for Jesus Christ, so you can lead people to Him through your words and actions. So be the anchor. Be centered, and people will naturally follow. Love on them radically and change their lives through your example. Be consumed by God and His world instead of this one.
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